This is a column I really didn't want to write.

I hope such an attitude isn't that evident.

I spent more than 54 full-time, enthusiastic years writing columns and news stories for the Rocky.

Tack on another 21 months as a freelance contributor, and I can proudly report I've written more words than any other journalist for the notable paper that, unfortunately, won't get to celebrate its 150th anniversary in April.

Such pride is mixed with a nagging gloom and overwhelming sadness that has enveloped me ever since it became apparent several weeks ago that the paper wasn't going to make it.

The Rocky has been my home.

I've spent numerous restless nights thinking back on my career that began Labor Day in 1953 when, as a copy boy fresh out of the University of Colorado, I brought a cup of coffee to noted sportswriter Leonard Cahn - and promptly spilled it all over his desk.

It may sound a bit Pollyanna-ish, but I enjoyed every year of my time at the Rocky - even while making 30 bucks a week as a copy boy. And a police reporter's salary wasn't much higher in the '50s.

Sure, bumps existed along my newspaper road.

But working at a daily newspaper was a career I dreamed about after taking my first journalism class at Holy Family High School.

The Rocky gave me the opportunity to learn, as a reporter, how City Hall functions - or doesn't function. As an editor in the Features department I found out how a newspaper was put together and how important accuracy was - and still is. (Although I was a decent editor, my contemporaries still remind me of my spelling deficiencies).

My lengthy career as a broadcast columnist/critic opened doors to a fascinating world I never dreamed existed. I never tire of answering questions like "What kind of guy is Bob Newhart?" (A man you'd enjoy having a beer with).

For the record, the late Ed Bradley, Peter Jennings and Tim Russert were superb journalists.

It's been a bittersweet time, recalling all professional and personal opportunities the Rocky has provided me as a journalist - and as a family member. But such retrospective memories are undercut by the negative realization that the Rocky is no more.

My newspaper career has allowed me to meet, interview and, in some cases, form lasting relationships with fascinating people.

But you know what?

The relationships I treasure the most have been at the Rocky. Newspaper types in general are among the most intelligent, articulate, caring and fun-to-be-with people on the planet.

And I speak with authority when reporting that Rocky staff members, past and present, represent the best that print journalism has offered.

While I'm hurting emotionally, I have numerous pleasant memories to salve the late-night resentment feelings. The current Rocky crew doesn't have that luxury.

Damn it!

The Rocky's journalists deserved a better fate.

tvtime@comcast.net