There are pretty much three schools of thought when it comes to Valentine's Day:

* 1. Resentment: You're single and depressed. It could be a recent breakup or a long drought. Whatever the cause, you hate Feb. 14 and mark it on your calendar with a skull and crossbones, complaining to anyone within earshot how this holiday was manufactured by the greeting-card and candy companies.

* 2. Celebratory: You embrace the holiday. Even if it's grudgingly, you make some effort to celebrate, whether it's a box of chocolates you pick up at Walgreens on the way home or a trip out of town to some pricey resort, where you'll have the suite decked out in rose petals and Al Green personally serenades your significant other as you enter the room.

* 3. Apathy: You truly, completely could not give a flying cupid one way or the other. It's a Saturday, and you're spending the day doing whatever you were going to do. And you don't even own anything red to wear, thank you very much.

Well, if you're in Group 1, I'm sorry. I hope whatever pain landed you there is forgotten by next year so you can join Group 2 without feeling coerced. For Group 3: Rock on with your bad self.

For those of us in Group 2, here's the Valentine's Day Buzz Planner, conveniently categorized by level of commitment. Clip it out and carry it in your wallet; put in on your fridge.

Whatever.

BUDGET-CONSCIOUS BUT DEFINITELY LOOKING TO SCORE

You're tapped out because you happen to have been living in this country for the past year, like everyone else. Still, you really dig her, and you want her to dig you. Bundle up and head for the Denver Zoo (2300 Steele St., 303-376-4800, denverzoo.org) because it's a free day!

* Upside: It's free, man, and who doesn't like monkeys?

* Watch out for: There will be children. Many of them. If you don't like kids, steer clear. If you don't want conversation drifting toward the thought of having kids, steer clear.

* Cost: Free

CLUB KID WITH A FEW BUCKS TO BURN

WISH Nightclub (1222 Glenarm Place, 303-825-0852, wish-nightclub.com) is hosting "A Night of Romance." OK, so no big points for originality on the name, but the pretty people will be out in force to enjoy aerial artists, fire performers, champagne, chocolate, roses and other appropriately themed stuff.

* Upside: Plenty of eye candy, and the party favors are adult-themed. Rowr!

* Watch out for: The flier says Single's Mingle, but they're encouraging couples as well; everyone should be dressed in "sexy" attire. That means if you're bringing your filly, prepare to have her on plenty of radar screens aside from yours.

* Cost: $25 a person

A LITTLE CLASS, A LITTLE SASS, A FEW LAUGHS

Vintage Theater (2119 E. 17th Ave., 303-839-1361) hosts a production of Neil Simon's classic romantic comedy Barefoot in the Park.

* Upside: Laughter is the best aphrodisiac, and it's not often she gets out for a night of live theater.

* Watch out for: If she has theatrophobia, you're screwed. And not in the good way.

* Cost: $17 in advance, $22 day of the show

FOOD, BOOZE AND THE BLUES

Alto (1320 15th St., 303-893-2586, altodenver.com) has a fairly comprehensive package, which includes a four- course, prix-fixe meal, live music by the engaging Boa and the Constrictors, champagne and some sort of secret special surprise "gift."

* Upside: It's everything in one place: dinner, entertainment and drinks. Kind of like Passover Seder at my parents' house, except without all the kvetching.

* Watch out for: If you're single, this will just be depressing.

* Cost: $69 per person

Back to Top