I'll say one thing for you people. You've suffered through some terrible relationships. And you're not bitter. Noooooo. Not at all.

When asked to explain your love lives in six simple words, you're downright uplifting. You write things like:

* "Marriage made in heaven; living hell."

* "Married an angel; didn't notice horns."

* "Our Valentine dinner; cyanide; almost died."

See what I mean? Love is in the air.

It was all in response to a recent column in which I reviewed the new book, Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak by Writers Famous & Obscure.

Filled with short sentences, the book attempted to sum up each writer's love life in fewer words than those contained in a fortune cookie. It also inspired us to offer a challenge: Send us your own six-word memoirs.

I have to admit, you are an accommodating bunch. You fired off enough one-sentence snippets to fill a Hemingway novel and proved at the same time that everyone can write - er, at least when asked to do it six words at a time.

Some of you, though, sandbagged me. I was a bit confused, for example, when unsigned e- mails from a middle school kept popping up in my inbox, each exactly six words long. Finally, I realized a teacher had assigned his students this six-word exercise and their work was burying my inbox.

Note to teacher: A six-word warning would have been nice. (And hey, we're on to your game. Better to grade six words than a five-page essay!)

Another writer made me laugh when he prefaced his page-long list of story-sentences with this caveat: "As a bonus, just like real memoirs these days, some are true, some are false and some are plagiarized." (Let's hope his "Ate at Joe's. Slept there too" was just a figment of his imagination and not a comment on his wife's, ahem, voracious appetite.)

And I can't help mentioning my shock that some of you - fine, I won't name names - can't seem to count. "Hitting sharp corners with head," wrote one bright light, cheating us an entire word. (And what does that have to do with love anyway? Not sure, but certainly the blows to the head would explain something.)

On the upside, nearly all your missives were amusing to read - and many, I should note, weren't even love-gone-wrong scenarios. Consider these devotion ditties:

* "High school sweetheart fifty years later."

* "Like fine wine - better with age."

* "Waited for the best - found him."

But let's face it - while fairy-tale love is all well and good, it's the lonely, the unrequited, the miserable couples sucking the very life out of each other that make for the most fun. And given the tidbits I received, there seems to be no shortage of these.

Some of you, for example, appear to be looking for love in all the wrong places: "The hottest girl is my cousin."

Others are simply looking for your belongings: "All my things on the lawn!"

Still others seem to be looking for revenge: "Loved men better! AIDS conquered him." (Now really. Is this something to gloat over?)

And I guess we should have known that there's always someone looking under the bed and in the closet: "Betrayed me. Postman, butcher. Anyone really."

In the end, it wasn't the cheating, the vicious fights, the desperate searches for loyalty at all costs ("Unconditional love: conversations with my dog") that grabbed my attention. Rather, it was the quiet stoicism of married couples willing to see things through to the bitter end.

For example, here's a story I can't resist telling, even though it concerns five words, rather than six. It was phoned in by a man who said he was reminded of it by my column. (Warning: It will take more than six words to tell this tale, so try not to let your meager attention spans stray. Focus, people, focus. )

An obituary editor called a newly widowed woman to ask whether she'd like to report the demise of her husband. "No, I can't afford it," she told the obit writer.

"You get five free words," he said.

"OK," she said, "put down, 'Bob died.' "

"Well," said the obit writer, "you can have three more words."

"OK," she said, not missing a beat. "Bob died; boat for sale."

In sum, I have only six words left to say to all of you who took time out of your busy day to try out this silly exercise:

Back to work, you sorry slackers!

thornp@RockyMountainNews.com

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