COLORADO SPRINGS - What are you mourning today? Or maybe, what should you be mourning?

On the first anniversary of the shooting deaths of four young churchgoers last year - two of them in his own parking lot at New Life Church - Pastor Brady Boyd invited his flock Sunday to really begin to face their grief over whatever has hurt them, whether it's a career loss, a home, a livelihood or a marriage.

Even if it happened years ago.

"You should know it's OK to stop and mourn," Brady said. "In fact, it's healthy to mourn. Unless you've dealt with that, you're not emotionally available for the next thing God has planned for you."

This year, Boyd has been pastor to a church steeped in unprecedented grieving. Today and Tuesday, New Life Church will join in spirit with the Denver missionary group, Youth With a Mission, in a series of first anniversary observances.

Together, they shared a horrible event in the early morning hours of Dec. 9, 2007.

Matthew Murray, a troubled youth who had been dropped from the YWAM missionary program, opened fire at its headquarters, killing two young people, Tiffany Johnson and Philip Crouse, and wounding two more, Dan Griebenow and Charlie Blanch.

Murray then drove 75 miles to New Life Church, where shortly after the midmorning Sunday service, he opened fire in the parking lot, killing sisters Stephanie and Rachel Works. They were just getting into the family car, heading for lunch with their parents and siblings. Their dad, David Works, was wounded.

On Tuesday at 1 p.m., the church will dedicate the Works Memorial near the spot where the family was attacked.

The Works family and the undercover church security guard who stopped Murray were at the heart of Sunday's observances. Jeanne Assam, a veteran police officer and New Life member, stood in Murray's line of fire and dropped him with her shots, from 63 feet away. He then committed suicide.

Assam joined Boyd for a news conference where he called her "the real hero" of the day.

The veteran police officer said she's testing for a spot on the Colorado Springs police department. She is still on the church's security detail. Known for her reserve, she tackled a question about why she seemed uncomfortable.

"I have 1,000 cameras pointed at me," she shrugged, with a small smile. "I don't feel bad about what I had to do; I just feel bad people had to die. It still feels a little surreal to me for some reason."

On Sunday, the Works family entered the packed New Life auditorium on the waves of a standing ovation.

"Physically we are doing OK," Works said in a brief address. "Emotionally that's always more difficult." The crowd applauded again when Works said counselors had assured the family that they did not suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

"Our family has been incredibly graced," Works said. Standing beside him were his wife, Marie, daughters Grace and Laurie, and Laurie's boyfriend.

In his sermon, Boyd opened the discussion of grief to include what he acknowledged was a sensitive subject - the abrupt resignation of his predecessor, Ted Haggard, following a sex scandal two years ago.

Boyd said some longtimers have told him that since Haggard left they have found it hard to get back into church life. Boyd said it was understandable; they had never really had a chance to grieve openly for Haggard's loss.

"One Sunday you had a pastor on stage delivering a message and the next Sunday he's gone," Boyd said. He suggested the time had come for the church members to begin dealing openly with the fact their founding pastor - and the face of the church for 20 years - had vanished from their lives.

"What started today was an opening of dialogue," he said.

Boyd also suffered from his own deep grief this week. A favorite nephew, Austen, was killed in a car accident Monday in Louisiana. Boyd said he had just been playing football with the young man on Thanksgiving Day.

Boyd said he would be canceling upcoming appointments so that he could fully grieve his own loss. But he told everyone to take heart - beyond grief is healing.

"It's in a season of loss and darkness," he said, "that God often does the deepest work in our lives."

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