The man who held seven Platte Canyon High School students hostage — killing one of them before turning the gun on himself — told his siblings in a letter that he blamed their father for mentally and physically abusing him as a child, causing him to consider suicide.

Park County Sheriff Fred Wegener today released the letter Duane Morrison, 53, sent to his brother the day before the Sept. 27 standoff. The letter was included in today's release of five volumes of records documenting what happened.

In the letter, Morrison writes about living in "constant fear and occasional terror" of their father growing up.

"I know all of you love him so I won’t go into any details of what happened," he writes.

He blames the abuse for his "stolen childhood," his troubled teenaged years, and how he first seriously contemplated suicide on his 21st birthday.

In his 20s, he wrote, his mind would go completely blank, for one to 10 minutes at a time.

"This was when thoughts and urges began entering my mind," he wrote, adding that they got harder to control as time went on.

"I have no idea what life is about. I have no idea why I’m alive. I have no idea what’s real and what’s not real."

His letter specifically addresses a raw deal he though he got on a Harley Davidson motorcycle nearly four years before. "If things go as planned I will try to make someone at the H.D. shop pay!" he writes.

The letter also indicates that Morrison may not have planned to die the next day as he was writing the letter. He mentions wanting to either call or visit all his siblings before he "commits suicide."

"Things are getting pretty close to the end now. I figure about a week is all I have left," he writes.

He asks his siblings for forgiveness. He also asked them to cremate him, and not share the letter with anyone. He asks them to try to get along with one another.

"I miss all of you so much already. It’s a terribly hurtful, empty, tearful pain inside me knowing I will never see any of you again," he writes.

At the end of the letter, he hints that his final days aren’t going as planned.

"I meant to call everyone today, (26th) but I couldn’t handle it. I called Judy first but it was too emotional."

The next day, Morrison took seven girls hostage, sexually assaulted at least five of them, and killed 16-year-old Emily Keyes before turning the gun on himself.