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Wanted: Real World Denver's cast members

Published March 30, 2007 at midnight

This season's cast members of the long-running series have acted so shamefully that taste police nationwide are on high alert.

Armed with lewd behavior and a severe lack of judgment, the show is in a ratings slump. But are Denver's seven partners in crime to blame for the decline, or is it a case of MTV starting to show its age?

Alex

Alias: Mr. Emo

Crimes: Wearing pastels too often. Forging good looks and a personality to lure unsuspecting women. Living up to every fraternity cliché.

Incriminating quote: "I am a playboy."

Brooke

Alias: Princess.

Crimes: Publicly cleaning her crotch. Crying over a lost manicure. Nursing a sprained ankle on high heels.

Incriminating quote: "God works in mysterious ways and he works for people like me."

Tyrie

Alias: Dark Kent

Crimes: Public urination. Drinking induces Incredible Hulk impression. Indecent exposure.

Incriminating quote: "I'm not drinking again. Well, nowhere near that much."

Jenn

Alias: Rock Star

Crimes: Exchanging dangerous amounts of bodily fluids with strangers. Consuming her body weight in alcohol. Failing to seek professional help for makeup application.

Incriminating quote: "I look like a hypocrite, I look like a whore and I look foolish."

Colie

Alias: The codependent

Crimes: Forming strong bonds too quickly. Sporting Jersey hair. Possessing a voice only a mother could love.

Incriminating quote: "I'm not going to stop myself from doing what my heart feels like doing or my vagina feels like doing."

Stephen

Alias: Urkel

Crimes: Homophobia. Trying painfully hard to be cool. Cheating on his girlfriend back home with a hot tub full of camera-starved groupies.

Incriminating quote: "I don't feel guilty about what's going on. It's a game. I'm not making out with these girls because I like them."

Davis

Alias: The sexually-confused Christian

Crimes: Prone to racist remarks. Pursuing a threesome with Brooke. Dating his doppleganger.

Incriminating quote: "There is still something beautiful about a sexy girl."

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