Question: Our kids are very different. Our son disappoints us because he is scatterbrained and sulky. Our youngest is bright and delightful. Why can't he be more like her?

Answer: Your obvious preference for your daughter over your son must hurt him deeply. It's hard to be a kid who's easily distracted. He probably thinks he can't do anything to please you, no matter how hard he tries.

Stop the name-calling. Work with his teacher on a plan to help him become more organized. Provide the structure of a household routine to help him follow through on everyday activities.

Coach him instead of lecturing. Be patient if it takes many repetitions before he masters time management and problem-solving. Reward progress with genuine praise, and mete out consequences, not criticism, if he backslides.

Teach him to use tools like lists, a calendar, an alarm clock and a watch with an alarm to stay on task. Target one trouble spot at a time. Break tasks down into steps, and give him encouragement for every step he completes.

Q: I was so embarrassed by my 5-year-old's outrageous behavior at a party that I yanked down his pants and paddled him with a spatula in front of everyone. My sister-in-law flipped out. Was I wrong?

A: It was dangerously wrong to strike your son with an object. It was abusive to demean him by exposing his body. Never punish your child when you're out of control.

What could you have done differently to manage his behavior? Could you have removed him from the party before the blowup? Your boy's behavior didn't escalate to outrageous in an instant.

Take a timeout when you're losing control. Calm down before dealing with misbehavior. A parenting class could teach you appropriate ways to discipline your child.

Have a parenting question? Call the Family Support Line, 303-695-7996 or 1-877-695-7996, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily. The Family Support Line is a program of Families First, sponsored in part by the Rocky Mountain News.