Question: My mother baby-sits occasionally. Otherwise, she never initiates contact with my preschool daughter. I never imagined that Mom would be so distant. How can I get her to be a more involved grandmother?

Answer: Reflect on your mother's temperament. Is she behaving differently since you had your daughter? Are you expecting her to behave contrary to her nature?

Sometimes grandparents stay at a distance to avoid interfering. Have you two clashed over advice? Do you act coolly when she indulges or corrects your child?

Invite your mother out for coffee and ask how she's feeling about the relationship. Tell her why you hope she'll become more involved. Listen carefully to her responses.

Then, take steps to bring your child closer to her grandmother. Send photos and drawings. Make phone calls and fun dates. Keep the demand low but the contact frequency high.

Repeat activities that get favorable responses. Try creating new traditions, such as baking cookies on the first Friday of the month. Repeat pleasant adult-child activities from your childhood.

Q: I love doting on my preschooler, but others say she is demanding and unappreciative. Am I doing something wrong?

A: Are you overdoing a good thing? Unconditional love helps a child feel secure, but smothering interferes with self-confidence. Are you helping your daughter develop her capabilities or reinforcing her helplessness?

Put your energy into encouraging her to do everything she can for herself. Respond to "I can't" with "You're learning." Be upbeat about her potential to learn, and show pride when she does things for herself.

Have a parenting question? Call the Family Support Line, 303-695-7996 or 1-877-695-7996, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily. The Family Support Line is a program of Families First, sponsored in part by the Rocky Mountain News.