Sports Illustrated columnist and Denver dweller Rick Reilly appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman Monday night to talk about his new book Hate Mail From Cheerleaders, but Letterman leapt at the chance to talk about Michael Vick's sorry situation.

Earlier that day, the Atlanta Falcons QB issued a mass mea culpa for his involvement in illegal dogfighting where lesser or loser dogs were killed by hanging or drowning.

"I don't want him to go to jail," Reilly told Letterman. "I want them to coat him in cat fur and drop him into a tank of starving Dobermans."

The talk show host pointed out that Vick claims he never gambled on the dogfights.

"That's like saying, 'I rolled my own joints, I lit them, I inhaled, but I never got high,' " Reilly said. "You know that guy was gambling . . . The only guy happy about this is (Barry) Bonds. It took Bonds off the front page. He's loving life."

GAL GOLF: Is it possible to have more fun on a golf course? Not if you're me playing with Frontier Airlines gal pal Cindi McCutchen, and Anti Defamation League supporters Sheryl Goodman and Lezlie Goldberg during the T-Up 4 ADL golf tourney Monday at the Inverness Golf Club.

Our folly-filled foursome laughed so hard we nearly fell out of our golf carts. We even took second in the women's division, with a challenge from the first-place team for a rematch next year. You're going down, girlfriends!

IRON CHEF: Mark Tarbell, who splits his time between The Oven restaurant in Belmar and Tarbell's in Phoenix, will compete in the Food Network's Iron Chef America series at 7 p.m. Sept. 16. But mum's the word on deets.

"I wish I could talk about it, but they make you sign a very stringent agreement stating that you won't tell," Tarbell told me. "I will say it's intense. A real battle for one hour, and wow!"

Meanwhile, the Iron Chef competitor is working on a second restaurant in Belmar to open mid-winter, and he's a new dad. Elizabeth Calvin Tarbell was born at 5:07 a.m. Monday, weighing in at 6 pounds 6 ounces.

LOST IN TRANSLATION: Editors ask good questions when something's missing in a story or column. So when my editor called Monday to say that the date for the The Denver Hospice Spamalot party and tickets was missing, I was grateful for the catch. I called the event organizer who told me the party night was Sept. 30, but somehow it ended up saying Aug. 30 in my column. I apologize for the error, but you can still call, reserve primo seats, support hospice and see a great play: 303-398- 6226.

EAVESDROPPING on the women in my foursome during the T-Up 4 ADL golf tournament: "Isn't that better than sex?" when we scored our first birdie.

"We can't even cheat enough to win," when we realized we weren't tops in the tournament.

Penny Parker's column appears Tuesday through Saturday. Listen to her on the Caplis and Silverman radio show between 4 and 5 p.m. Fridays on KHOW-AM (630). Call her at 303-954-5224 or e-mail parkerp@RockyMoun tainNews.com.