I took it down a notch this summer. Rather than climb Mount Everest for vacation, I watched TV, ate and read for a week. Notes on each:

Enough with those ads

"If a relaxing moment turns into the right moment, will you be ready?"

Cialis ads, promising relief for erectile dysfunction, have to be among the most grating in the history of TV. But why? It may be because I view erectile dysfunction as the male equivalent of menopause. Unfortunately, unlike ED, menopause isn't cured with a pill. And I'm envious.

Lost your erection? Well, cry me a river.

Menopause is no picnic, either, Mr. Thirty-Six Hours. Try losing your estrogen, your testosterone, your normally sunny disposition, your muscle tone, your collagen and your bone density and in their place finding hot flashes, night sweats, depression, crepey skin, bat wings and cankles (when your calves start slipping down around your ankles.)

Oh sure, you can take a pill that may ease menopause symptoms, but the risks those pills carry - including heart disease, dementia and cancer - sound worse than the disease. And scientific studies have only muddied the water. They're more contradictory than closing arguments in an Anna Nicole Smith paternity-rights hearing.

When it comes to menopause, girlfriends, these are the Dark Ages.

Dining din

My week in Arizona also included dining out with my parents. The Phoenix area has at least as many restaurants as Denver. And the ones I visited were just as loud as they are here.

My hearing is certainly not what it used to be, and that's also true for my parents. ("What did you say, Jim? You're mumbling again! He mumbles, doesn't he? Tell him he mumbles.")

In a recent Zagat survey of diners' complaints, noise was ranked No. 2, behind poor service.

So why does it seem that restaurateurs aren't listening?

British wine critic Jancis Robinson asked an acoustics expert, Alan Saunders, and the gist of his answer was this:

Put 80 people in any room, not just a restaurant, and they'll generate a fair amount of noise. Then add economic factors: A busy-looking restaurant has more ambience and thus draws more customers, and more tables mean more seatings and more profit, which is only good business.

Saunders also mentions the "cocktail-party effect": After a glass of wine or two, people start talking louder. To make yourself heard, you also have to raise your voice, and so do all the other diners, and the situation just escalates.

Carpeting helps to absorb sound, but it gets dirty fast. Finally, modern interior design favors glass, metal and plasterboard, none of which absorbs sound well. If quiet dining is your goal, your best bet is a place with banquette seating, flocked wallpaper and thick velvet curtains.

Prediction: Aging baby boomers will demand better acoustics in restaurants, and the market will deliver. Maybe some restaurants will even offer patrons a choice of dining areas in a range of volumes: loud, medium and soft.

Egg hunt

I was happy to see this headline on the front page of the Sunday New York Times: "Suddenly, the hunt is on for cage-free eggs." So many chefs and grocery stores are demanding eggs from humanely raised chickens that supply can't keep up with demand. Ice-cream maker Ben and Jerry's uses only cage-free eggs, as do Wolfgang Puck restaurants. Whole Foods, as well, sells only eggs from producers who have sworn off battery cages, where each hen lives out her life in a space the size of a laptop computer. Even Burger King is switching to cage-free eggs.

I think I speak for chicken lovers across the country when I say this is huge.

It's a good day when the news is better than it's cracked up to be.

mwinte@aol.com