What's with all these syndicated TV court shows?

I'd never given them much thought until a friend told me he'd been on one of them a year ago. Dan went through a nasty breakup with his girlfriend, and she sued him for belongings left behind. He lost the case in civil court.

A few weeks later he got a letter from the syndicated show Judge Mathis asking if he'd like to appeal his case on TV. The show would pay a $250 appearance fee and also his fine, whatever that turned out to be. They flew him to Chicago for the taping, which was on the same soundstage as Jerry Springer's show.

Dan hated the experience, so much so that he refused to watch it when it aired. He said it was clear there was a bias against males. He lost again.

The irony? In happier times, Dan and his "ex" used to love watching Judge Mathis for entertainment.

When I was a kid there were The People's Court and Divorce Court. Both are still around, but now they have a lot of company.

What are the strengths and weaknesses of judicial television? I decided to find out and emerged from several hours of viewing nine different judge shows feeling like I was on parole.

• Judge Greg Mathis: Former criminal turned lawyer turned judge. Pithy, pointed sense of humor. Calls himself a dispenser of "tough love." He spends as much time poking fun at the people in his court as solving disputes. He could resolve matters in half the time if he'd shut his own mouth. Cases run on too long thanks to witnesses so partisan they are laughable. B-

• Judge Maria Lopez: More like a concerned mom than a judge. Reasoned, articulate and never raises her voice. Explains her decisions at the end of the show. Maternal quality can work against the idea of justice, but you know she's in control. C+

• Judge Glenda Hatchett: A strong- willed woman who doesn't suffer fools gladly. When combatants keep talking over each other, she sends her burly bailiff to stare them down. Her attitude is maternal but stern. Calls her own witnesses, such as a handwriting expert to settle one dispute. Most Jerry Springer-like guests. She's not above turning into Oprah, either: She sentenced one 14-year-old meth addict to community service, then she (and her camera crew) showed up to make sure the girl was doing the work. B+

• Judge Judy: Acts like she would just as soon slap the taste out of your mouth as look at you. This dean of TV judges understands pacing. She keeps things moving and gets mad when people detour into endless explanations. She's big on sarcasm. She's the judge I'd want with me in a bar fight. A

• Judge Joe Brown: A fatherly disposition tinged with incredulousness. Of all the judges, he seems to understand the foolishness of the people standing before him. He never raises his voice and fines people for profanity. Probably the judge I'd want to go before. Looks like he could use a good nap. B

• Judge Alex Ferrer: The police officer turned lawyer turned judge is telegenic but bland. When he tells trial participants "Talk to me, not each other," he sounds like he's whining. Lacks gravitas. He finally works up a head of steam when someone fails to produce valid legal documents to support his case. No theatrics, just peevishness. C-

• The People's Court: Judge Marilyn Milian is a no-nonsense redhead who is ready to read participants the riot act. She scolded one mother: "That is the worst case of parenting I've ever seen." The show runs an hour; there are three cases per episode. Interviews with a peanut gallery of viewers slow things down, but you come away feeling that justice has been served. B+

• Divorce Court: Judge Lynn Toler switches between incredulousness and fiery oratory as she tries to mediate divorce settlements. One case per half hour ensures plenty of time for things to get nasty. At the end combatants trade barbs in the hallway. Potentially the most tawdry of the judge shows because dirty laundry gets aired. B-

• Cristina's Court: The slogan for this show, starring Cristina Perez: "She takes the law into her own heart." Huh? Isn't the law supposed to be impartial? The patrician-looking Perez is fairly no-nonsense, rarely raising her voice. But to quote Gertrude Stein, "there is no there there." No personality, no sizzle, and the cases are mundane. C-

Gavel to gavel

Here's where to find courtroom drama on the tube:

• Judge Mathis: 9 a.m. Monday- Friday, KTVD My20

• Judge Maria Lopez: 3:30 and 11:30 a.m. Monday-Friday, CW2

• Judge Glenda Hatchett: 10 a.m. Monday-Friday, KTVD My20

• Judge Joe Brown: 2 p.m. Monday-Friday, Fox 31

• Judge Judy: 11 a.m. Monday- Friday, 9News

• Judge Alex Ferrer: 3 p.m. Monday-Friday, Fox 31

• The People's Court: 3 p.m. Monday-Friday, KTVD My20

• Divorce Court: Noon Monday- Friday, Fox 31

• Cristina's Court: 3:30 p.m. Monday-Friday, Fox 31

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