"In his heart Warren was a really wonderful guy. But he was controlled by addictions and obsessions," says Crystal Zevon.

The ex-wife of the brilliant singer/ songwriter was with him as wife and companion in the early years and as friend and confidante (though divorced from Zevon) when he died of cancer in 2003. For her new book, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon, Crystal Zevon has used Zevon's extensive personal journals and spoken to people involved in various escapades with him, musical and otherwise, over the years - everyone from former lovers to Bruce Springsteen. The result is an oral history that's revealing and often shocking. Zevon truly lived the dissolute life beyond fans' imagination.

Before her appearance in Denver and Boulder next week, she chatted with the Rocky about her ex-husband's life, muse and untimely death.

Question: Warren wanted you to do this, right?

Answer: Warren asked me right after he was diagnosed to do this. He wanted to find the spiritual solution, which people may miss about Warren. He wanted to come clean, make amends . . . We were together through it all and survived it - found ways to forgive the transgressions, move beyond it and become really close friends.

A week before he died he said, "You know you've got to tell the whole truth. Even the awful, ugly parts. Because that's the excitable boy that wrote them excitable songs." Those are his words exactly. I said, "I don't think I know what the whole truth is." He just laughed and said, "Oh, you'll find out."

Q: Was it hard?

A: All of a sudden I had a lot of misgivings. I was going to have to go into a lot of territory I'd let go of and dredge up some pretty ugly stuff. Reading his journals was one of the most painful things I've ever done. He recorded everything, every minute detail: what he had for breakfast, when he brushed his teeth. But it also recorded in clinical detail the sexual exploits. He was complex and complicated, he was brilliant, he had his dark side and his light side, his big heart and his ability to be absolutely cruel . . . I didn't want to interpret or analyze any of that. I just started making phone calls.

Q: What were the surprises?

A: I didn't know the depth of his torment. I didn't know how all-consuming his obsessive- compulsive disorder was. Or how really controlled by a sexual obsession he was. I knew about it. I just didn't know the extent.

Q: By documenting the ugly stuff, were you afraid of alienating fans?

A: I was. And I still am. He asked me to tell the truth. By and large, people . . . are able to see sort of beyond the wife-battering or neglect of his children and understand and have some compassion for someone who really lived with a huge amount of mental torture. As best he could. But it was very hard and it's hard for the children. This is their dad. Once someone is gone, it's easy to glorify who they were. And this book doesn't allow for that.

Q: Why was he so committed to the Lisl Auman case here in Denver?

A: Because Hunter (Thompson) brought him into it. Warren didn't like to or didn't believe in speaking out for causes. He indulged in a lot of his vices and he didn't feel like he had the right to speak out on anything. He would agonize over it. He knew what was happening in the world. It wasn't a matter of not knowing or ignorance. The idea of injustice was something that really struck him.

Q: Death was so much a part of his writing. Why?

A: It was his curiosity about the unknown. He read every philosopher. He lived (with) floor-to-ceiling books. It was his art. He just really sought answers or a way to see clearly. To believe, I guess. Because he was so smart he sought some kind of explanation.

When he was diagnosed he was almost excited in a way, like, "I'm going to find out." When he finally decided to record The Wind, . . . he tried to make amends in some of his songs. He tried to reach out. He maintained an unbelievable sense of humor and attitude about the whole thing. He never once whined.

Q: What was the worst part?

A: His relapse in his last year was truly painful for all of us. That was the point where all of a sudden it hit him that there was stuff he was going to miss out on. "Wait a minute, I've been romancing death all these years and here's life."

My daughter was recently asked if he was a good dad. She hesitated a long time and then her answer was, "He became one." At the end of his life he willed himself to stay alive for the (birth of) both of his grandsons, which was an incredible moment for all of us as a family.

Q: How do you see the book now?

A: The main thing I want to come across is that he was not a horrible person. I think I've said that to you about a million times. In the past couple of weeks things have come out that paint him as a monster. Yes, he could be a monster. He did some monstrous things. But he wasn't a monster. We all loved him and really miss him. The sound of his voice on the telephone. He did live to be a good dad and a friend and philosopher.

Zevon: the dark side

Crystal Zevon was there as music history was being made, watching the writing process of her husband and his famous friends - Jackson Browne, the Eagles, Bob Dylan and more. Her book tells of the touching final days when his friends rallied and helped him record The Wind, one of his best albums. But it is also filled with darker visions of the musician. Gifted by brilliance and musicianship, Warren Zevon also suffered from demons - he'd shop for only "lucky" socks, and collected dozens of gray Calvin Klein T-shirts that he never wore. Zevon's journals and friends' recollections make a fascinating portrait:

Richard Lewis: "Let's say he had a gig in Denver. I'd call him and say, 'Where are you?' And he'd say, 'I'm going about 120 miles per hour somewhere in Utah.' He would drive the opposite direction of the venue and be states away from where he had to play."

Jackson Browne: "I used to have this great drawing that Warren did. A picture of him being rowed across the River Styx by a person with a man's body and the head of a dog . . . and the caption was 'it's only when I close my eyes I see . . . the bad things.' "

Zevon's journal: "Went to the Greek late . . . Dylan was playing Like a Rolling Stone. I was smiling and thinking how much he meant to me . . . called Debbie from hospitality . . . Came back here, started kissing, she had on black bikini panties . . . she said she'd had an affair with Dylan but indicated that I was better."

Manager Andy Slater: "He had what looked like a game of darts on the wall across from his bed, only there was no dart board. So there were all these holes in the wall. When I got closer I realized they were knife holes."

Billy Bob Thornton: "After he got sick I saw a side of him I hadn't seen before. A softer, gentler side. He told me how scared he was. He said sometimes underneath all the sarcastic things he says about death, he felt frightened."

Crystal Zevon

• What: Appears at 7:30 Wednesday at the Boulder Book Store, 1107 Pearl St. Boulder. And at 7:30 p.m. Thursday at the Tattered Cover Colfax, 2526 E. Colfax Ave.

• Cost: Free

• Information: 303-447-2074 for Boulder Book Store; 303-322-7727 for Tattered Cover

Mark Brown is popular music critic at the Rocky.

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