So here you are on New Year's Eve, single or coupled, lost in love or lost looking for love or just lost trying to make things work better.

Assuming you're serious - and how did that "Will not date another loser" thing work out last year anyway? - we asked relationships authors and experts and a therapist to prescribe Relationships Resolutions for next year.

Start tonight and remember: If you're single, it's not a felony to be alone with someone you like (that would be you).

Good luck. Happy relating in 2006.

Resolved: "Make your relationship a top priority by engaging in caring behaviors on a daily basis, no matter how busy or tired you might be."

Why it matters: "Hugs, smiles, words of appreciation or encouragement, kind or thoughtful deeds and listening are all supreme acts of caring. Guidelines for these caring behaviors include:

1. Listening in order to understand and support;

2. Focusing on being 'kind' rather than being 'right';

3. Responding to your partner's emotional needs in the ways that are most meaningful to him/her, even if those are different from your own preferences (communication is key);

4. Expressing appreciation more than criticism (research indicates that a 5-1 ratio is the minimum needed for positive feelings to prevail)."

- Karen and Frank Timmons, Denver psychologists specializing in couples therapy, coaching and workshops (married for 39 years). Web site: www.mountaintopcoaching.com

Resolved: "Even if things seem hopeless, don't give up on your marriage."

Why it matters: "Many times couples say, 'Let's just get through the holidays and then we will make a decision about our marriage.' It's important to remember that all marriages - even the good ones - go through ups and downs. However, sometimes the tough times are so intense that couples see divorce as the only option. After several decades of rampant divorce and disposable marriages, suffice it to say that divorce is not a simple solution, especially when children are involved. Know that good help is available . . . even for marriages teetering on the brink of divorce and when one spouse seems determined to leave. Don't give up, don't get out. Get help."

- Michele Weiner-Davis, licensed clinical social worker, author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage. www.divorcebusting.com

Resolved: "Listen to your partner's worries, agitation and anger with patience and a desire to understand (even on nights when you're tired or stressed)."

Why it matters: "If you dismiss, deny or defend rather than listen with calm patience, you will provoke a long argument - especially if you say the blood-pressure-raising words You're wrong when your partner is sure he or she has a legitimate point of view. But if you truly seek to understand your partner's frustrations and listen lovingly, you will have a productive and successful two-way, problem-solving conversation.

"You decide which you prefer on a night when you're tired or stressed - a long argument because you spoke in a dismissive tone or a healthy return to teamwork and closeness because you listened with an open heart."

- Leonard Felder, Ph.D., author of Wake Up or Break Up: The 8 Crucial Steps to Strengthening Your Relationship. www.wakeuporbreakup.com

Resolved: "Communicate my affections each day."

Why it matters: "Many relationship problems result because one or both partners do not adequately communicate how they feel about the other. That leaves the other person wondering where they stand, causing anxiety, frustration and often arguments. A daily 'I love you' and a kiss or hug maintains the glue that keeps relationships healthy."

- Marshall Colt, Ph.D., Denver psychologist and therapist. www.advance-counseling-denver-boulder.com

Resolved: "Don't call that man!"

Why it matters: "Don't initiate or pursue relationships with men who are unavailable or don't reciprocate the same amount of interest you have in them. Stick with men who are into you and are also looking for a relationship."

- Rhonda Findling, author, Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide to Letting Go. www.rhondafindling.com

wolfm@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-892-5226

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