The house is festive, the fireplace crackling, and a grown-up child walks up to his parents and says, "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my (fill in level of romantic attachment and name)."

Could be a Norman Rockwell moment. Or something from a bad movie.

"The pressure is on. When you bring someone to a family holiday gathering, it's telling them that 'I'm sharing something important.' I'm a big believer in a warm-up meeting, a pre-holiday gathering or waiting until the new year," said Trish McDermott, chief matchmaker for the new online service Engage.com and a 16-year veteran of the dating industry.

The meet-the-parents moment is one of a number of reasons that the holidays can be especially stressful for singles.

"You think of roasting those chestnuts on an open fire and the image is, you're with Mr. or Ms. Right. At all the family gatherings, we talk about the benchmarks in our lives, and romantic relationships are part of the checking-in process. If you're the perpetually single person, you get a sense there's nothing to report. People sometimes feel sorry for family members who aren't with someone," she said.

If a single person is persistently peppered with questions about his love life at holiday gatherings, McDermott suggests having a friendly ally in the family who's been prepped in advance to steer the question away with humor or gently warn family members to steer clear of the subject.

"I like the thought of answering, 'Oh, Mom, I am dating someone, but he didn't make parole.' It's best to laugh it off rather than getting defensive," she said.

Often, family members treat the holidays as a time to play matchmaker as well as Santa. A national random survey by Engage.com, which has a feature that lets people help others to find the right partner, rated friends as the best matchmakers and mothers as the worst.

"The person who mothers think we need is clearly not the person we think we need. We're a little more honest with our friends. They've been in the trenches dating with us. They see our flaws. Our mothers hold an image of us that might have been true in 11th grade but isn't true now in terms of who would be interested in us and attracted to us," said McDermott, who helped to develop the site.

The notion of being alone for the holidays can prompt singles to make injudicious choices about romance.

"They opt to be in a bad or unhappy relationship rather than go through the holiday alone," she said. "That's indicative of how they're feeling the pressure. That's not a good thing to do. There is a lot of love and tradition with your family that can keep you going. It's nice to start the new year fresh."

More than half the singles in the survey said they expected not to have a date to holiday gatherings. Singles who face the holidays without a romantic partner should focus on things that aren't specifically designed to make them romantic targets, McDermott advised.

"Avoid the 'Poor Sally's going to be at our dinner party. Let's introduce her to all the eligible guys.' Engage. There are many opportunities to make merry that have little to do with romance or love. Go skiing, be outdoors, go for walks, live, share traditions with your family that aren't necessarily focused on romance," she said.

"Do something nice for someone else. Singles can get into a funk: 'How come I don't have someone?' 'Why can't I lose these 5 pounds?' You're the center of your universe. If you're annoyed with yourself, go out there and do something for someone else. It works miracles for your self- esteem."

wolfm@RockyMountainNews.comor 303-892-5226