Somebody finally figured out what a guy really wants:

a) First, give him a cushy Barcalounger-type chair to recline in.

b) Sit him in front of a wall of TVs centered by the biggest television screen he's ever seen always showing sports . . . and preferably a playoff game with ads featuring the Coors Twins.

c) Turn the theater-quality sound up good and loud.

d) Have servers bring him an endless supply of cold beer, sliders, wings and chili cheese fries.

e) Between periods (or quarters) and at half-time, give him a room full of sports games like air hockey to play.

f) Finally, when nature calls — put a TV above every urinal and stall.

The funny part is that this masculine fantasy — aka ESPNZone in Denver — is brought to you by the ultra-wholesome folks from Walt Disney, home of Winnie the Pooh and Cinderella, too. Give the corporation credit: it has also figured out how to make this glorified sports bar a winning concept for women and children.

ESPNZone includes a memorabilia shop, a bar room, and a game room, but the centerpiece is the high-ceilinged Sports Arena restaurant. The row of lounge chairs plus tables and booths on several levels face the wall of screens each carrying a different ESPN regional feed, plus other blinking and scrolling sports information sources. It's fun to watch people's jaws drop the first time they walk in. The real surprise is that the food is much better than you might expect.

The roster of starters includes the usual suspects. The quintessential Buffalo wings ($8.99 a pound) are bathed in vinegary hot sauce. The sliders ($8.99) boasted six fluffy mini-buns filled with decent beef patties, American cheese and onions, while the cheese-laced spinach and artichoke dip ($6.99) arrived steaming hot with little evidence of artichoke.

Even manly men will appreciate ESPNZone's lineup of eight big salads. We were impressed by the blue cheese, apple and walnut salad ($7.99). Greens in a quite-nice vinaigrette are tossed with appealing chunks of cheese, sliced Granny Smiths, candied nuts, white and regular raisins, and chopped red peppers.

However, it was thumbs-down for the tomato and mozzarella salad ($7.99). Its Shaquille O'Neal-sized mountain of greens overwhelmed the few puny slices of cheese and hard tomato.

The top of the sandwich order is the signature ESPN burger ($9.99), a lean beef patty cooked to order topped with bacon, cheddar and balsamic onions. Even better is the salmon BLT ($10.95): a teaming of sweetly-glazed grilled fillet, thick-cut bacon, tomato and lettuce.

Meanwhile, the Italian sausage sandwich ($8.99) failed to execute the fundamentals. It was bratwurst with undercooked onions and yellow bell peppers plus chopped cold tomato. It needed real sausage, more onions and peppers, red sauce and melted provolone. The Zone cheese steak ($10.99) was light on steak, sauteed onions and peppers, juice and cheese.

Who would have thought that the same eatery that served those loser sandwiches could also produce an undeniably fine filet mignon ($22.99)? As we watched Connecticut out-hustle Tennessee for the women's basketball national championship, we savored bites of subtly seasoned, rare-yet-still-warm steak capped with herb butter. It was literally fork-tender and made to be dipped in perfect fluffy mashers.

Traditional Italian eateries might do it better, but ESPNZone's fettucini Alfredo ($8.99, $11.99 with chicken) offers a substantial portion of al dente pasta with creamy garlic-hinted Parmesan cheese sauce. We also sucked a full slab of sweet, smoky baby back ribs ($19.99) right down to the bones.

I was also wowed by the menu's bench strength: an assortment of decent side dishes so well-priced and large-portioned that you could easily make a meal from them. Tops is the surprisingly well-prepared creamy grits ($1.99). I'd also go for another bowl of the Parmesan-filled creamed spinach ($1.99). Strictly for the kids is the penne and cheddar ($1.99 side, $7.99 entree). The macaroni is smothered in a processed cheese sauce that leaves a slippery coating on the tongue.

When it came time for dessert we expected the home team to fold at the finish. With a feeling of dread, I ordered the "all-American'' apple pie ($4.99). Fortunately, we were thrilled by an extraordinary apple croustade. Delicate, buttery, sugar-sprinkled pastry was wrapped around well-baked, cinnamon-coated, super-thin slices of fruit. The garnish was neatly diced fresh green apple and a scoop of vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce. It was immediately voted onto our all-star team.

The service is extra-attentive in that customer-is-always-right, well-trained manner familiar to anyone who has ever visited Disneyland. There are no waiters here, only "cast members,'' and they have a splendid stage on which to play. When the side of grits I ordered wasn't creamy enough, the waiter rushed to the kitchen and replaced it quickly and with apologies.

ESPNZone is not a fine dining experience. It's incredibly loud and distracting and not the place for any intimate conversation. Admittedly, the volume was turned down significantly during a lunch I had when a pool tournament filled the main screen.

Denver has seen a lot of chain theme "eatertainment'' restaurants come and many go, but ESPNZone is the one that should thrive and survive because it delivers what guys, boys, girls and women want: fun, food and games, well done.